killing me softly...

Strumming my pain with his fingers...

Singing my life with his words... killing me softly with his song...

Aylmer the Queen bee is not hitting his high notes this time, he is complaining of a back pain... "it's a stabbing pain, Geena, I'm so frustrated...it's killing me".

I read an email last Thursday... the one I've been waiting for ages... that sounded crucial to my being. I read it once. Thud!

I felt a thud in my chest... it's like a hard kick in my heart. It hurts.

It was a very strange feeling. I was quiet the whole duration of my flight. I had a lazy long weekend and I know I was feeling off.

Monday came. I received a very important call that sounded crucial to my being. I heard it once. Thud!

There's that weird thud in my heart again! It hurts so bad. It felt like someone just punched me real hard... NO, someone stabbed me! It hurts. I felt the pressure of the arm driving into my chest... but I don't see any blood.

So this is how it feels --- getting stabbed twice straight to your chest.

It hurts so bad. Now I worry for myself.

Comments

I won't remember you....

I won’t remember you. I never remember anything that hurts me. Harsh huh! Acknowledging the pain and feeling it is one way but the easiest way there is when you have pain is to suck it up and forget about it. I did that. Done that. I learned to be cynical and stoical. I never remember anything that hurts me. When my father died, I only cried the day he was laid to rest. I cried hard in 2013 when I left my mother in a hospital bed without all her senses and memories…and the day she died. Crying helps. Instead of avoiding our feelings, we can simply feel them and forget about it. However, when events and circumstances overwhelm one to the point where they are an emotional wreck --- there’s always a medicine for it! So, Mrs. M got her dose. She passed away. It was sad. She was a happy soul. Someone just hurt me. I won’t remember you. ...

behind that closed door....

When you have a competent desk Executive Assistant you’re sure to end up with a glory day! Liz is efficient. Ask her to do anything and she will do it in an instant, well, of course sometimes she forgets especially when her laughing buddy is beside her! She works quietly. You won’t even notice her leave the building unless she says her goodbyes! Ahh like her FA! LOL! Sneaky. She is behind this closed door. This door used to be wide open years ago, and it just changed recently, for some stupid reason. Anyhow, open or closed door you can still hear her giggling or I can still disturb her with just a press of “transfer 10” in the phone in from my Station. She is the “MAN” (as Paul often says) when it comes to translating for my Hispanic patients. I always ridicule her for getting a more paying job as translator, @#$% some people who knew how to use the language line are just too lazy they would always call her to translate. Geez. I am one of them. As she passed by my Stat...

this used to be my playground...

Growing up, we have that graphic bible books that we've outgrown. I remembered those days where we (my siblings) snuggled our small-framed bodies to each other just to share those books and (that) one small book about the monkey and the turtle. So... When I am lost or out of sight , I am just in any place or aisle with books. Bookstores is my playground. I’m a late bloomer though… when I was a kid. I don’t have that pleasure or leisure to visit a bookstore, nor the money to spend on books. I was introduced to a library when I was already in high school (as the school had its own library). Unfortunately I don’t have, again, the pleasure to spend my free time hugging all those books in the library as we needed to help out in household chores. I only visit the library on a per need basis But I do not like libraries. There is that feeling of suffocation when you walk through a quiet, quaint, dim lighted book aisles… THO...

and so it goes...

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