killing me softly...

Strumming my pain with his fingers...

Singing my life with his words... killing me softly with his song...

Aylmer the Queen bee is not hitting his high notes this time, he is complaining of a back pain... "it's a stabbing pain, Geena, I'm so frustrated...it's killing me".

I read an email last Thursday... the one I've been waiting for ages... that sounded crucial to my being. I read it once. Thud!

I felt a thud in my chest... it's like a hard kick in my heart. It hurts.

It was a very strange feeling. I was quiet the whole duration of my flight. I had a lazy long weekend and I know I was feeling off.

Monday came. I received a very important call that sounded crucial to my being. I heard it once. Thud!

There's that weird thud in my heart again! It hurts so bad. It felt like someone just punched me real hard... NO, someone stabbed me! It hurts. I felt the pressure of the arm driving into my chest... but I don't see any blood.

So this is how it feels --- getting stabbed twice straight to your chest.

It hurts so bad. Now I worry for myself.

Comments

I won't remember you....

I won’t remember you. I never remember anything that hurts me. Harsh huh! Acknowledging the pain and feeling it is one way but the easiest way there is when you have pain is to suck it up and forget about it. I did that. Done that. I learned to be cynical and stoical. I never remember anything that hurts me. When my father died, I only cried the day he was laid to rest. I cried hard in 2013 when I left my mother in a hospital bed without all her senses and memories…and the day she died. Crying helps. Instead of avoiding our feelings, we can simply feel them and forget about it. However, when events and circumstances overwhelm one to the point where they are an emotional wreck --- there’s always a medicine for it! So, Mrs. M got her dose. She passed away. It was sad. She was a happy soul. Someone just hurt me. I won’t remember you. ...

behind that closed door....

When you have a competent desk Executive Assistant you’re sure to end up with a glory day! Liz is efficient. Ask her to do anything and she will do it in an instant, well, of course sometimes she forgets especially when her laughing buddy is beside her! She works quietly. You won’t even notice her leave the building unless she says her goodbyes! Ahh like her FA! LOL! Sneaky. She is behind this closed door. This door used to be wide open years ago, and it just changed recently, for some stupid reason. Anyhow, open or closed door you can still hear her giggling or I can still disturb her with just a press of “transfer 10” in the phone in from my Station. She is the “MAN” (as Paul often says) when it comes to translating for my Hispanic patients. I always ridicule her for getting a more paying job as translator, @#$% some people who knew how to use the language line are just too lazy they would always call her to translate. Geez. I am one of them. As she passed by my Stat...

sad movies...

What song makes you cry or saddens you when you hear it being played over the radio or just when you heard it around? Like, when somebody wails or I mean sings it in front of you with closed eyes? Piano Man by Billy Joel, for no reason at all --- it sounds sad to me. Time in a Bottle , These Dreams and Dreamin' Again all by Jim Croce, I love all his songs, but it always left me with a heavy heart. State Library Victoria Collections I hated the song The End of the World by Skeeter Davis since I was 9. Sound of Silence. Tears in Heaven. Only Time by Enya. What about the instrumentals Song for Anna or Ballade pour Adeline ? I was out of the Kingdom since Monday, well, I was serving other patients on a different capacity. It's fulfilling but the travel or driving in between Clinics is taking a toll out of me. I am starting to get the hang out of it again. This new patient I met was stuck in his headphones when I extended...

and so it goes...

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