causeless happiness...

Yesterday was my regular safe driving spree (is there any safe spree?) job, which took me a good 150-miles only and I was already ahead of my schedule! See, I told you, I will get used to driving around again.

Hmmm, I can be an UBER or Lyft driver in SoCal...

During my rounds, I bumped into some Doctors I worked with in the Kingdom. Most were surprised to see me doing the rounds. Lately, I didn't get any of those usual 'hey, I didn't know you are an NP' or 'ah, am I in a wrong place or you are?'

Bumped into Dr. Sara yesterday, who is an early bird too. I was done seeing my patients in that clinic while she was just starting hers, we had our casual greetings, then she asked me in a friendly manner, "so how do you like the rounds? Seeing patients is nice and better, right?"

Told her I'm getting the hang out of it. Liar!

Actually, I am worried about the quality of my service because of the number of patients I needed to see in a short, strained and limited amount of time.

But what keeps my sanity while I drive from one clinic to another?

Those withering deciduous trees!

Geez! I love the sight of it... its awesome.

I have a thing for dead or dying trees, they can draw a smile on my face! Oh no, not in a morbid way, though. It gives me a thrill, a tingle of happiness...

A causeless happiness!

I likened it to an orgasm.

I was once asked, ‘so Geena, what makes you happy?’

I thought for a second...

But nothing. Long silence. It was a deafening silence, for real.

When I opened my mouth, what came out was —

‘I don’t know.’

When we hung up, there was that feeling of sadness inside.

Wow! After all these years I lived on this earth, I do not know what would make me happy, definitely not a withered deciduous tree...

It’s a shame.

Comments

I won't remember you....

I won’t remember you. I never remember anything that hurts me. Harsh huh! Acknowledging the pain and feeling it is one way but the easiest way there is when you have pain is to suck it up and forget about it. I did that. Done that. I learned to be cynical and stoical. I never remember anything that hurts me. When my father died, I only cried the day he was laid to rest. I cried hard in 2013 when I left my mother in a hospital bed without all her senses and memories…and the day she died. Crying helps. Instead of avoiding our feelings, we can simply feel them and forget about it. However, when events and circumstances overwhelm one to the point where they are an emotional wreck --- there’s always a medicine for it! So, Mrs. M got her dose. She passed away. It was sad. She was a happy soul. Someone just hurt me. I won’t remember you. ...

behind that closed door....

When you have a competent desk Executive Assistant you’re sure to end up with a glory day! Liz is efficient. Ask her to do anything and she will do it in an instant, well, of course sometimes she forgets especially when her laughing buddy is beside her! She works quietly. You won’t even notice her leave the building unless she says her goodbyes! Ahh like her FA! LOL! Sneaky. She is behind this closed door. This door used to be wide open years ago, and it just changed recently, for some stupid reason. Anyhow, open or closed door you can still hear her giggling or I can still disturb her with just a press of “transfer 10” in the phone in from my Station. She is the “MAN” (as Paul often says) when it comes to translating for my Hispanic patients. I always ridicule her for getting a more paying job as translator, @#$% some people who knew how to use the language line are just too lazy they would always call her to translate. Geez. I am one of them. As she passed by my Stat...

sad movies...

What song makes you cry or saddens you when you hear it being played over the radio or just when you heard it around? Like, when somebody wails or I mean sings it in front of you with closed eyes? Piano Man by Billy Joel, for no reason at all --- it sounds sad to me. Time in a Bottle , These Dreams and Dreamin' Again all by Jim Croce, I love all his songs, but it always left me with a heavy heart. State Library Victoria Collections I hated the song The End of the World by Skeeter Davis since I was 9. Sound of Silence. Tears in Heaven. Only Time by Enya. What about the instrumentals Song for Anna or Ballade pour Adeline ? I was out of the Kingdom since Monday, well, I was serving other patients on a different capacity. It's fulfilling but the travel or driving in between Clinics is taking a toll out of me. I am starting to get the hang out of it again. This new patient I met was stuck in his headphones when I extended...

and so it goes...

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