causeless happiness...

Yesterday was my regular safe driving spree (is there any safe spree?) job, which took me a good 150-miles only and I was already ahead of my schedule! See, I told you, I will get used to driving around again.

Hmmm, I can be an UBER or Lyft driver in SoCal...

During my rounds, I bumped into some Doctors I worked with in the Kingdom. Most were surprised to see me doing the rounds. Lately, I didn't get any of those usual 'hey, I didn't know you are an NP' or 'ah, am I in a wrong place or you are?'

Bumped into Dr. Sara yesterday, who is an early bird too. I was done seeing my patients in that clinic while she was just starting hers, we had our casual greetings, then she asked me in a friendly manner, "so how do you like the rounds? Seeing patients is nice and better, right?"

Told her I'm getting the hang out of it. Liar!

Actually, I am worried about the quality of my service because of the number of patients I needed to see in a short, strained and limited amount of time.

But what keeps my sanity while I drive from one clinic to another?

Those withering deciduous trees!

Geez! I love the sight of it... its awesome.

I have a thing for dead or dying trees, they can draw a smile on my face! Oh no, not in a morbid way, though. It gives me a thrill, a tingle of happiness...

A causeless happiness!

I likened it to an orgasm.

I was once asked, ‘so Geena, what makes you happy?’

I thought for a second...

But nothing. Long silence. It was a deafening silence, for real.

When I opened my mouth, what came out was —

‘I don’t know.’

When we hung up, there was that feeling of sadness inside.

Wow! After all these years I lived on this earth, I do not know what would make me happy, definitely not a withered deciduous tree...

It’s a shame.

Comments

Sunday's child...

I may not have a fair face, but I am a Sunday child. Forty-something years ago, on a wee hours of a Sunday, my mother had a 10-pounder. I was born from an unfortunate situation of my parents who were in dire need to uproot themselves from the very place they called home since their childhood. Most of my siblings were born and grew up in the same hometown. So growing up in a very different environ caused havoc to some of my older siblings --- who are unable to see the tin line between leaving and living. On the other hand, I did not realize the difference between us and them (my older siblings) even they kept teasing me and the other two younger siblings "Moros". I remembered how I was schooled by my older siblings about the sun, the moon, the stars...and why the sky is way up high. I've learned how greed can cause you hunger and misery from the story of the monkey and the turtle . I even learned the eye-flipping story of the pin...

I won't remember you....

I won’t remember you. I never remember anything that hurts me. Harsh huh! Acknowledging the pain and feeling it is one way but the easiest way there is when you have pain is to suck it up and forget about it. I did that. Done that. I learned to be cynical and stoical. I never remember anything that hurts me. When my father died, I only cried the day he was laid to rest. I cried hard in 2013 when I left my mother in a hospital bed without all her senses and memories…and the day she died. Crying helps. Instead of avoiding our feelings, we can simply feel them and forget about it. However, when events and circumstances overwhelm one to the point where they are an emotional wreck --- there’s always a medicine for it! So, Mrs. M got her dose. She passed away. It was sad. She was a happy soul. Someone just hurt me. I won’t remember you. ...

heads or tails...

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and so it goes...

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