and so it goes...

I may not have a fair face, but I am a Sunday child.  Forty-something years ago, on a wee hours of a Sunday, my mother had a 10-pounder.  I was born from an unfortunate situation of my parents who were in dire need to uproot themselves from the very place they called home since their childhood. Most of my siblings were born and grew up in the same hometown.  So growing up in a very different environ caused havoc to some of my older siblings --- who are unable to see the tin line between leaving and living.  On the other hand, I did not realize the difference between us and them (my older siblings) even they kept teasing me and the other two younger siblings "Moros".  I remembered how I was schooled by my older siblings about the sun, the moon, the stars...and why the sky is way up high.  I've learned how greed can cause you hunger and misery from the story of the monkey and the turtle .  I even learned the eye-flipping story of the pineapple . Everythin

What's the best part of a fish to chomp on? The head.  Especially when its sinigang or tinola (cooked in soup base) or even grilled. Filipinos has a funny gusto of eating fish, we are used to cooking and serving a whole fish -- with all its head, tail, bones, and skin on!  Which, I know most people in California would gape at a sight of it--- a whole fish! Gawk. Ande cooked dinner yesterday.  She called me saying  "saan ka na" (where are you now?) at 645pm, while I was cruising or actually sitting in the traffic of SR-55 and I-5N.  She said she cooked dinner.  Yes, that's how lucky I am!  I have a rent-free place and a dinner to look forward to. As expected, the one in my soup bowl was a milkfish head... and so in Ande's bowl.  I went back to the kitchen for seconds and found the same heads and some tails of the milkfish in the pot.  Went back to the table, grabbed my eye glasses again as milkfish are really, really bony! I asked Ande, "

I found myself staring at my keyboard, my right hand is lightly settled on top of my red mouse.  I knew I already caught myself red-handed but there is that satiating feeling my head is experiencing right now... Sigh!  I did not bother moved a bone.  Kept staring at the keyboard for nothing, without my mind in it. Until I heard Mel calling out -- "hoy! okay ka lang?" I shook my head, propped up in my chair.  It's 553AM.  I stood up, went out of the treatment area, I needed a breather! It's 617AM,  I already washed my face with a cold water, my eyes are so sore, uhmmm, strained. Yesterday I was in my Third World, in our newly opened Clinic.  I found myself staring at my hand in the keyboard too at 240PM.  I saw 9 patients non-stop from 10AM and it just slowed down after 1PM, not even a soul showed up to 6PM. Most of my cases were pink eyes,  2 kids being sent home from school, a grandma with swollen eye, a dude with a massive conjunctival

I heard a rumor, it's scandalous of sort! The Kingdome is in havoc. Last Thursday was the finale show of Scandal, a political drama series I've been watching since 2012.  The Gladiators' were finally out in the open.  Olivia Pope, played by Kerry Washington, reclaimed her soul; her Dad unexpectedly sold out the entity he created and testified against it, the B613. Fine, you're not following  what I'm mumbling.  All I can say is-- I won't have TGIT anymore with channel ABC.  Thursday is my one and only BIG break day of the week, so I called it TGIT which matches up with channel ABC 7's TGIT that I partake in:  Grey's Anatomy - Scandal - How to Get Away with Murder.  Oh I liked the TGIT crossover event shown in March, where How to Get Away with Murder went Scandal-ous, and vice-versa... Olivia Pope and Annalise Keating's meeting was splendid!  And of course, Grey's Anatomy had to crossover Station 19, a new series set to replace Ho

Today's a freaky Thursday... it should have been a throwback Thursday huh, but nah, we do not have that in the Kingdom.  It is either you go out here smiling or freaking-out!  And everyday is a deja vu, not a throwback! But today is freaky in a different way... So me and the Black Widow switched days, that is why I am here on the other side of the Kingdom with the Extraordinary People. At 5am, I was surprised to see Black Widow in the floor... eh, I am pretty sure that I should be in the floor today.  It turned out-- she was here to help as we are short-staffed... and she will be one of my Techs, freaky, LOL! 7am, the Iron Man arrived in a hurry, mumbling about how bad the traffic was from I15 to 91 to 55 to 405.  Who wouldn't?  She lived in the mountains LOL!  A fashioned mountains anyways, with the biggest known casino in town. And there were three of us RNs -- in the floor for the first time...how prolific! or Epic???  Since we are missing one, I tried to

I fret the day I died. There should have been good memories to create, laughter to share with my fellows, and never-ending chit-chats in the chair. Now, I will have a lot of missed treatments.  My phone will be ringing non-stop as Prime and Sentinel must be calling me back to back for not showing up today and the past couple of days.  My chest is aching.  Something is wrong with me, I can feel it.  They are working on me now, I'm probably due for my treatment.  Hmm, its getting crowded in here...why are they hustling with my heart?  Wait, I cannot breath, give me some space! Stop pounding my chest!  My aching heart is bleeding.  Gulp, I'm drowning now. It hurts.  I fret the day I died. I have been here for several days now, and its cold out here.  I wonder if  Prime called me?  Did she get tired of checking on me?  Or she just stopped loving me? No more I love you's... the language is leaving me. No more I love you's... the language is lea

While June was sitting in the lobby, I noticed her face is differently-colored.  Her aura is as translucent as the light bulb behind her.  Well, the monitor of the lobby camera is hidden in my station--- I see everyone and anybody who sets foot in the Kingdom.  Two months ago, there were two bull-necked belligerent guys in my lobby as early as 5AM...I called the cops on them. When June was in the treatment area, I called her attention and told her how refreshing it is to see her smile like she's still playing with her bubble bath--- frothy and fizzy! "Oh yes!  I was in the tub with the running water for 30 minutes!" she replied. Her CVC was removed recently... after one long year!  She said when she was in the hospital for the removal procedure,  she told the Surgeon "it's about time, it's been a year". She was not mad, in fact she was happy, in her mind--- "finally I can take a long shower". So June, tell me, what will

I'm afraid to fly #itsnottheendoftheworld And I don't know why I'm jealous of the people who are not afraid to die. It's just that I recall Back when I was small Someone promise that they'd catch me But then they let me fall And now, I'm fallin' Fallin' fast again Why do I always take a fall When I fall in love... But Margie isn't in love, she is just a fall-risk patient.  I was standing beside Thor's cart when I heard a clunk and the cart just moved. And I just saw Margie in the floor.  After assessing, we placed her in the chair.  Her treatment ran quietly, without complication.. without her whining and churning.  She didn't have any recollection at all. Dang!  That's how out-of-her-world she was with the medication they gave her! I've fallen several times.  I learned from it and saved myself.  No one's there to save my ass... No more... G.

Running around the floor by yourself is crazy, good thing I have all my regular soldiers with me, and the floor is shiny enough, I can even use my roller blades... Mid noon, Mr. H passed by my station rolling with his walker and greeted me "Happy Easter", happy Easter too I said.  I threw him a very straightforward pun known between the two of us-- "will you have a fresh Bunny or the spoiled one?"  "Nahhh, she will divorce me soon". Mr. H is pretty new in my Clinic but the big guy has a big laugh and personality that he easily made friends around.  I often have small conversation with my patients every time I do my assessments.  He told me one day that his spoiled Bunny is leaving him soon.  I listened to him while he was recounting all their good memories, and that she just got tired of him. I could sense the sadness in his voice... I tapped his foot and declared "we're done here, keep checking your feet at home" whe

Being appreciated for your work is nice but we don't often get that as we are "paid" to do such job or work. Darn! I don't get "likes" often, even in my FB posts. Being "liked" is even nicer especially in my other world, my third world.  Easy, don't get confused -- I work three jobs, not four, not a quartet loads, but 3.  There is my Kingdom, my safe-driving spree job and this third world.  The last patient I had yesterday in my third world was an all-smiling 9-year old boy, despite his nagging cough.  After working with him, I wrapped up the consult reminding the little guy not to smoke.  He giggled and said "I don't smoke".  Yes, I know that, I replied, but keep away from all those second hand smoke as it could trigger your cough.  He giggled even more.  While walking them out to the lobby door, the giggly boy was pulling his Mom's arm and whispered "I like her". Mom announced while i

What could you possibly do in straight eight hours of your day? Work!  Hmm, possible, but I am normally off on a Sunday. Sleep!  Hmm, I like that better, but not on a midday. Watch TV!  Be a couch-potato.  Hmm, I like that even better.  But of course unless I have cable. I drove Ande to San Diego yesterday to meet up with some of her high school classmates, one, straight from the Philippines.  When we arrived there, they started their casual hellos, I finished two of Obi-Wan Kenobi's death sticks and they were not done yet with their first hellos.  Rissa, the hostess finally offered lunch to the nearest Mexican restaurant.  We were seated in a corner of the patio as they will be loud and noisy according to the four of them.  And it went even louder when the fifth one arrived. So there was Rissa, Ande, Grace, Ely and Lolit... the RAGEL were indeed loud. I sat myself in the far-end so they can be closer to each other but somehow the sun's light bothered most o

Growing up, we have that graphic bible books that we've outgrown.  I remembered those days where we (my siblings) snuggled our small-framed bodies to each other just to share those books and (that) one small book about the monkey and the turtle. So... When I am lost  or out of sight , I am just in any place or aisle with books.   Bookstores is my playground.   I’m a late bloomer though… when I was a kid. I don’t have that pleasure or leisure to visit a bookstore, nor the money to spend on books.   I was introduced to a library when I was already in high school (as the school had its own library).   Unfortunately I don’t have, again, the pleasure to spend my free time hugging all those books in the library as we needed to help out in household chores.   I only visit the library on a per need basis But I do not like libraries.   There is that feeling of suffocation when you walk through a quiet, quaint, dim lighted book aisles… THOUGH the scent of old books is exhil

I have a nagging headache for the past days, its symptoms are that of a cluster headache but I have some episodes of a tension headache and that of a migraine.  I tried to fix my glasses when I wear them, trying to reposition it in a way that will give me a clear visual of what I am reading. Darn!  I think I needed to change my glasses or I have a migraine now???  But Excedrin Migraine did not even help. 08:15 pm yesterday, after working by myself in the Urgent Care, I felt my head was light and the headache was not there.  I sat in my car for a little while, trying to listen to the stillness of the night in the parking lot... waiting for that throbbing pain in my head. Nada! No tension at all.  It was all quiet up there, in my head.  I can't even hear the noise of my car engine... Hmm...maybe the view from my nook calmed my head? Ahh!  After all, that nagging headache I was carrying for days was just stress!  My head was still light while cruising the busy,

I don't shop that much because I end up picking an item on impulse or I find myself going to and fro in an aisle. Undecisive.. that is me!  I wonder if I am really a Taurean when I cannot even decide on what to eat for dinner! Ande was complaining, her stomach is growling now...she asked me if I'm hungry.  I said yes.  Then, she asked me what I wanted for dinner, told her I don't know but I'm hungry. At Panera Bread, she brushed me aside and ordered her meal, so I thought, but I saw her handing her card to the Cashier, gave me the cup for my drink.  Without hesitation, I followed her to the table, asked her what she got me... she said "same old, same old". I smiled. That's just me.  I chomp on my "same old, same old" or I end up staring at the menu forever or even walk out of the store empty handed... ah, with an empty stomach. Now I wonder, how could Mr. E missed his treatment for no reason at all? G.

Let me introduce y’all to my uncanny sitter, it’s his birthday today.  I’ve known him back in nursing school. He was the artist, actor, and clown of the class.... and the head mistress of the group’s galivanting spree.   Those were the years... he is still the same Khris I knew... still an artist by heart! G.  

Yesterday was my regular  safe driving spree (is there any safe spree?)  job, which took me a good 150-miles only and I was already ahead of my schedule!  See, I told you,  I will get  used to driving around again.  Hmmm, I can be an UBER or Lyft driver in SoCal... During my rounds, I bumped into some Doctors I worked with in the Kingdom.  Most were surprised to see me doing the rounds.  Lately, I didn't get any of those usual ' hey, I didn't know you are an NP ' or ' ah, am I in a wrong place or you are?' Bumped into Dr. Sara yesterday, who is an early bird too.  I was done seeing my patients in that clinic while she was just starting hers, we had our casual greetings, then she asked me in a friendly manner,  " so how do you like the rounds?  Seeing patients is nice and better, right?" Told her I'm getting the hang out of it.  Liar! Actually, I am worried about the quality of my service because of the number of patients I n

How fortunate I am to end  my week hustling with the most toxic family member (over-the-phone) of one patient from the other side of the Kingdom!  He won't let me finish with my explanation, instead, he sounded like a dragon spitting fire in my ear!  I guess I was yelling on top of my lungs that I disturbed the whole Clinic... my bad. I hate Fridays!!!  Here I go again with my never ending story of I hate Fridays! Ahh, don't you just wish you were in the Philippines right now??? Yes! Back in the Philippines when Friday hits, I was always in the front row of the bandwagon called TGIF... much more it's first Friday!  Most Filipinos observe the first Friday of the month-- hearing mass, I don't or I did not.  My bad.  Maybe because I was schooled too much with nuns and priests shattered in the four corners of my nook.  My Fridays back then were made, above all, for myself or what I called my "self-awareness" thing--- either, with mysel

How unlikely would it be to get sick or not feel well and you are not aware it?  Or let me rephrase it to - how likely it is that you are under the weather yet you're not aware of it? Hmmm... possible. Sentinel have a lot of anecdotes in her pocket to share every time I come back in the Kingdom from my every other week world-alienating  work as NP. She said, she was dumbfounded knowing our other Mama Sia did not know she has renal failure.  Hmmm, that is too unlikely and unfortunate.  Before all of them (our patients) step foot in the Kingdom, I am pretty sure their PCP or Nephrologist explained to them their condition, that they needed dialysis.  It was unfortunate to hear that Mama Sia had the biggest surprise in her life -- her kidney is not working anymore! And so did Sentinel, she had the biggest surprise in her entire hemodialysis stint, stated " na-werla si aketch neng !  Tinusok na't lahat, tatangalin na lang ang catheter, hindi pa nya alam na may

Finally!  Missy's calcium level is within normal range.  But my Dietician is in limbo with her algorithm --- either to discontinue or go on with her oral Calcitriol dosage knowing our Missy has a hungry bone syndrome. Hungry Bone Syndrome (HBS) is a prolonged hypocalcemia associated with hypophosphataemia and is exacerbated by suppressed parathyroid hormone levels, which follows parathyroidectomy in patients with severe primary hyperparathyroidism.  Also, in Missy's case, she already developed a bone disease preoperatively. Missy had two hip replacements, and she may be in her wheelchair but it doesn't stop her from taking the steering wheel and drive herself to treatments with her Dad. Bring it girl! I watch the Lifetime series Bring It and The Rap Game every Friday, which I discuss with Missy as she watches the series too.  I tried to watch whatever my patients are into, that is how I build my rapport with them.  My partner RN discusses the Game of

It's good to be back in my Kingdom... after whacking my head and butt the past days.  What's more to seeing old faces???  They express their concern for you and chant their unending "I miss you"!!! Oh, really?  Well, at least the Black Widow didn’t cover for me, I was still intact and never sold per piece! I told them not to worry and wait for the rain... because when it rains, I multiply!  And there will be a lot of my kind and it will be swell living in this Kingdom! Hah!  I am vain!  And I am a gremlin. Remember that movie? The Gremlins is a comedy horror back in 1984.  Gizmo the very first mogwai/ guai shou (monster) was sold with a warning: 1. do not expose it to bright lights or sunlight, which will kill it; 2. do not let it get wet as it spawns other creatures, and 3. never feed it after midnight as it turns to a gremlin. I like it here in California, as I can freely move around without fear of spawning gremlins in my neck or back LOL!  I

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance... DABDA the stages of grief I have learned in psychology class which I had a hard time giving examples of each stages, when asked for... Well, I thought then, how could there be a staging of anything in the world???  Shouldn't we just face grief head-on, straightforward??? Why I have to go through bargaining or depression???  Growing up, I never knew the feeling of depression...well, especially when you're from a Filipino lineage, depression has no room in our house at all. But yes, DABDA exist. DABDA applies even to the patients I see on a regular basis.  Yesterday, I have to attend to a family wanting to discuss about their patient wanting to discontinue the treatment.  I ended the meeting entailing details on encouraging and prodding the patient to continue the treatment plus in the end, it is always a patient's right.  He was still in his anger phase. Last Saturday, Prime decided to call the Pol

I hate Fridays, it's where most politicking happens. My supervising MD called, strangely, his opening was "hey Gen, I have a good news..." f... my heart raced and my head was in highway 101 thinking ---he's giving me a raise??? On a regular day, he would call me and right away bombard me with "why are you not returning my calls?!?... not even a mention of my name, yes, that's how blunt he can be. So with that call from Friday, I was thinking ahead of my head or anyone's head for that disconcerting "good news". Nah! No raise at all. Ms. I feel pretty got her new kidney!  Hmmm, that was some good news.  She was indeed on top of the list!  The MD knows how I would drag my already worn-out feet to see her and listen to her thoughtless concern for others. Wishful thinking no more!  Her positive thinking paid-off. Not for me, though... I was hit real hard to the bone, last week.  My positive thinking did not pave the wa

Strumming my pain with his fingers... Singing my life with his words... killing me softly with his song... Aylmer the Queen bee is not hitting his high notes this time, he is complaining of a back pain... "it's a stabbing pain, Geena, I'm so frustrated...it's killing me". I read an email last Thursday... the one I've been waiting for ages... that sounded crucial to my being.  I read it once.  Thud! I felt a thud in my chest... it's like a hard kick in my heart.  It hurts. It was a very strange feeling.  I was quiet the whole duration of my flight.  I had a lazy long weekend and I know I was feeling off. Monday came.  I received a very important call that sounded crucial to my being.  I heard it once.  Thud! There's that weird thud in my heart again!  It hurts so bad.  It felt like someone just punched me real hard... NO, someone stabbed me!  It hurts.  I felt the pressure of the arm driving into my chest... but I do

I worked on the other side of the Kingdom last week with the Extraordinary People team.  It was good to be back to old and new faces. I admitted a new kid at heart who refused to be wheeled to his chair, so, it took us 3 minutes, I guessed, to reach a 10-strides seat. photo by: sajbrfem/flicker In front of him was the already settled Antonia, who saw me handing all the kit for our new admit, including a soft and comfy blanket.  Antonia reacted, called my attention and asked, why didn't I gave her a blanket. Oops... sorry Toni but you've been in the Kingdom for sometime now, it must have slipped your memory that you were given the same thing before. LOL. Anyhow, she continued to kid around calling me "racista".  I amused her, saying, hey how can I be racista when I am as Mexicana as you are, besides you are already beautiful--- so you don't get to have everything! Darn!  It sounded like that movie.... Antonia's Line , have you ever

Have you ever met a vain or conceited person in your lifetime --- aside from yourself? I did. It was sad that I have to endure and hurt my legs standing just listening to her...because I have to. What saddened me more was to hear her rant about the futility of the organ system, that she should be on top of their list because blah blah blah and she doesn't care about these (point with her lip) other people. I always thought of myself being pretty and vain, but I can still back-off if it's called for --- for others. Geez, I dread seeing her again. G.

I was about to work on June's CVC when she just bluntly asked me " what would you do under the water with your man?" Huh?!?!! Wait, what??? Did I hear it right? She caught me red handed with that damn question!  WTF my 84yo June is asking me such?  So, I threw her back the question, "what will you do?" She answered me back without a blink--- "making out!" Huh?!?!  My jaw fell to the floor, literally! Dumbstruck! I replied the second time she asked me.  I said " I do not know.  I don't have a man... or if he is ROM, I might drown him!  Kidding". I teased June if she has a man now while we continued chit-chatting but she declared --- Oh Geena! I don't have emotions anymore...  Aw, okay, same here June, I am lost in emotion--- head to toe ! OMG call me crazy but I loved Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam's Lost in Emotion . I spent most of my school days in the 80's.  It was the decade where my littl

Did you miss the Super Blue Blood Moon?  I catch a glimpse of it as I am already in the Kingdom as early as 4:30 this morning. Gawk!  It was awesome! My favorite Mama Mia is back!  On a gurney though... but she is perfectly fine.  I was waving at her to get her attention, while the EMTs were busy figuring out how to transfer her in my treatment chair.  I called out her name.  She shaded her eyes with both hands and peered, the Clinic’s well-lit surrounding must have blinded her.  Then she found me... and smiled.  She was mumbling unintelligibly now, I have a feeling she was happy to be back home. But then she is gone again. Back in the hospital. I hated it when I am, again, counting three in a row.  Two passed away from the other side of the Kingdom. My Mama Mia is strong.  She will back. My friend talked about “ guilt as chitterlings of the emotions” which actually went straight to my already heavy chest.  She was right, it’s like a leftover food in my pl