no more i love you's...

I fret the day I died.

There should have been good memories to create, laughter to share with my fellows, and never-ending chit-chats in the chair.

Now, I will have a lot of missed treatments. My phone will be ringing non-stop as Prime and Sentinel must be calling me back to back for not showing up today and the past couple of days.

My chest is aching. Something is wrong with me, I can feel it.

They are working on me now, I'm probably due for my treatment. Hmm, its getting crowded in here...why are they hustling with my heart?

Wait, I cannot breath, give me some space!

Stop pounding my chest!
My aching heart is bleeding.
Gulp, I'm drowning now.
It hurts.

I fret the day I died.

I have been here for several days now, and its cold out here. I wonder if Prime called me? Did she get tired of checking on me? Or she just stopped loving me?

No more I love you's... the language is leaving me.
No more I love you's... the language is leaving me in silence.
No more I love you's... changes

I fret the days I am not in the Kingdom.

Things happen unexpectedly to the most unsuspecting people. Ne-ne had to die. There must be a genie in my coke bottle...
G.

Comments

I won't remember you....

I won’t remember you. I never remember anything that hurts me. Harsh huh! Acknowledging the pain and feeling it is one way but the easiest way there is when you have pain is to suck it up and forget about it. I did that. Done that. I learned to be cynical and stoical. I never remember anything that hurts me. When my father died, I only cried the day he was laid to rest. I cried hard in 2013 when I left my mother in a hospital bed without all her senses and memories…and the day she died. Crying helps. Instead of avoiding our feelings, we can simply feel them and forget about it. However, when events and circumstances overwhelm one to the point where they are an emotional wreck --- there’s always a medicine for it! So, Mrs. M got her dose. She passed away. It was sad. She was a happy soul. Someone just hurt me. I won’t remember you. I never remember anything that hurts me . G.

behind that closed door....

When you have a competent desk Executive Assistant you’re sure to end up with a glory day! Liz is efficient. Ask her to do anything and she will do it in an instant, well, of course sometimes she forgets especially when her laughing buddy is beside her! She works quietly. You won’t even notice her leave the building unless she says her goodbyes! Ahh like her FA! LOL! Sneaky. She is behind this closed door. This door used to be wide open years ago, and it just changed recently, for some stupid reason. Anyhow, open or closed door you can still hear her giggling or I can still disturb her with just a press of “transfer 10” in the phone in from my Station. She is the “MAN” (as Paul often says) when it comes to translating for my Hispanic patients. I always ridicule her for getting a more paying job as translator, @#$% some people who knew how to use the language line are just too lazy they would always call her to translate. Geez. I am one of them. As she passed by my Stat

bring it...

Finally! Missy's calcium level is within normal range. But my Dietician is in limbo with her algorithm --- either to discontinue or go on with her oral Calcitriol dosage knowing our Missy has a hungry bone syndrome. Hungry Bone Syndrome (HBS) is a prolonged hypocalcemia associated with hypophosphataemia and is exacerbated by suppressed parathyroid hormone levels, which follows parathyroidectomy in patients with severe primary hyperparathyroidism. Also, in Missy's case, she already developed a bone disease preoperatively. Missy had two hip replacements, and she may be in her wheelchair but it doesn't stop her from taking the steering wheel and drive herself to treatments with her Dad. Bring it girl! I watch the Lifetime series Bring It and The Rap Game every Friday, which I discuss with Missy as she watches the series too. I tried to watch whatever my patients are into, that is how I build my rapport with them. My partner RN discusses the Game of

and so it goes...

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